Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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