Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
