So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
