Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
