nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
