i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
