just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
