hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
