didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
