i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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