quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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