Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
