I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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