Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
