Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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