you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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