I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
