I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
