my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
