Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize