She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
