Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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