You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
