Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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