what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
