you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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