the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
whose parrot is this?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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