halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
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I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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