We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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