I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
These tits shall not be calmed
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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