her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
