Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I woke up under a house in Key West
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
