wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
