i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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