I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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