and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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