dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
