you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
