And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
