I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
