in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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