I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
