I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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