real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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