My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
