p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
