I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
