he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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