I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
