Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
