At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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