So drunk its hurt
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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