so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
