i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
