we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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