Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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