so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
