Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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