I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
