i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
