with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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