We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
