Yo dont text me then not text me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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