Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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