Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
