He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
