If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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