dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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