I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
