I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Randomize
