I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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