I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
