This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
