btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
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I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
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you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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