my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
