no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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