i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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