i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
