is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
