how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
