the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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